had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
