If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
