You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
