when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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