Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize