you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
