what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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