How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
