Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
