I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I had to cum in my sink.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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