yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
