I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
my liver is dry heaving
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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