A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
