I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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