Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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