I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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