There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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