His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
