I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
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