why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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