Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Too much gin, very little bucket
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
