My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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