So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize