Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
