i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
