This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I have demons in me.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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