i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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