apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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