He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
