the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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