if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
