she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
