He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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