Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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