i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
