On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
God, I missed his penis.
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