I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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