Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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