Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
