Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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