i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Well I just put wine in my tea
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
