Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
