sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
