He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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