she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Randomize
