how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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