He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
