Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
