Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
