Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
