I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
