why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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