Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
