i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
