she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Houston, we have a squirter
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
