do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
