i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm just crazy horny about you
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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