it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
