i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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