I just gift wrapped bread.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
