I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
