I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
