Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
