No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
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