i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
