if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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