Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
