For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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