I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
