Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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