Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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