Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
