sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
