there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
