Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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