cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Randomize