He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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