I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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