Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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