yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
